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Porn and Your Man

Are you desperate and in pain over your man’s porn viewing habits? You are not alone.

I want you to know first and foremost that his enjoyment of porn is not about you. If nothing else registers here, please let it be this. Your man’s porn viewing has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Unless he’s an addict, and this would be an entirely different situation than what I am discussing here, then your man’s porn viewing is simply a pastime or a habit.

This is also something that you will not resolve within yourself overnight. This is a process, and this part is about you, not him. If you find yourself deeply troubled over it, it’s an indication that you have some things to deal with that go deeper and beyond porn. You have some insecurities and maybe other issues that finding your man’s porn has brought to the fore. This is an opportunity for you to heal.

It will likely be a struggle, and there are many ways to ease the journey as you sort this out and work to shed old issues. Learning how to communicate with your man so he can hear you is a key piece, but most importantly you must find a way to heal your old wounds.

You may also have to come to accept, mostly, that porn will likely never go away, and that this is not necessarily a bad thing.

I know the last part you probably don’t want to hear. I didn’t, and honestly I still go through spells albeit briefly now when I do wish porn would poof go away.

I’ve been in about as bad a place over porn as you can imagine. It triggered my deepest, darkest insecurities. It shook me to my core. I felt as though my entire world and all I believed was true had come crashing down around me. I was as low as can be, but still somehow I knew that my man was and is crazy in lust and love with me, and this confused me greatly.

I knew though and from the beginning that this was a tremendous opportunity to look at and release old habits and patterns, protections that no longer served me and in fact hindered me. These things I had accumulated and had pushed them away, ignored them, or didn’t even know they were there, walls, barriers which had been put in place from a young age.

There are numerous tools and modalities available to help with the process, many of which I tried. Some worked for me, and some did not. Try anything and everything that attracts you. Things that didn’t work for me may very well help you. I found meditation and journaling wonderfully helpful as a catharsis and as methods to work out emotions, ease the pain as more and more of my stuff emerged. Having a close friend on whom to unload is very useful. Finding like minded individuals via the internet is tremendous for not feeling so alone and also for support.

You need to keep the communication going with your man as you work on your healing. Confrontations or even a “can we talk?” will cause your man to run for the hills, but speaking about your feelings will not. Briefly, just tell him how you feel. That’s it. He may or may not respond. It doesn’t matter. This is about you. As an example, “I feel really nervous bringing this up, but it’s been bothering me, making me feel bad. I feel so insecure and just so not good enough when I think about you looking at pictures of other women. It just feels awful.” vporn

That’s really all you need to say. Don’t expect anything, not resolution or even a reply. If you get one great, but don’t expect it. Keep talking about how you feel using those words exactly, “I feel…” You can also ask him for his help with this. Men so love to help.

No matter what your man tells you, that he will stop etc., he probably won’t, and believe me when I say you would much rather have it out in the open than hidden underground. This creates secrets between you two, and secrets are damaging.

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